I had just started to study when I heard the sound of little feet. My youngest, Breanne, who was four at the time, walked into the room. Have you ever noticed that God made kids backwards when it’s time for them to get up? When you want them up, they are as responsive as church members at offering time. And when you don’t want them to get up, they are like church members at benediction. I couldn’t believe Breanne was up. She sat right on my study materials.

The first step in child rearing is to master the hand-off: hand off to your wife as soon as possible. She gave birth to her; surely she will know what to do with her. I suggested to Breanne that she go get in bed with Mom. “No,” was her answer. “No,” is usually the answer from a four-year-old because that is the word they have heard five zillion times. She has probably never heard the word yes. Adults are good at saying no, but bad at responding to no. I said, “No? What do you mean No? It is the middle of the night and everyone is supposed to be in bed.” She asked, “Why aren’t you in bed?” Kids spot the obvious quickly.

It’s like the kid who toured the FBI headquarters and was shown the pictures of the 10 Most Wanted men, he asked, “Why didn’t you keep them when you took their picture?”

I told Breanne that I had to get up early to study so that I could speak at noon. She said, “Mother always tells Angela and Kasey they have to do their homework before they go to bed. You are probably going to be in big trouble.” It is amazing. Even four-year-olds are good at pointing out other’s sins.

She was still sitting on the notes offering to help me study. I told her she couldn’t read yet. She said, “I know some jokes.” She’d heard me speak before. She asked me what John the Baptist and Kermit the Frog had in common. I told her I didn’t know. She said they have the same middle name. I smiled. She knew I was loosening up to the idea of her helping me. She had seen me work a crowd and now she was working me.

Then she said, “I have a great idea. Mom said you would watch Winnie the Pooh with me.” “Did she say I would watch it at 4:00 in the morning?” “She said you would watch it with me when you had time and it looks like we both have time and no one will bother us.” It appeared that it was time to get spiritual. It was time to pull God out and get out of this. I said, “Daddy has a lunch meeting where I tell people about God and if I don’t study I won’t have anything to tell them. So you go to bed and I’ll study so people can hear about God.” She said, “I have a better idea. You watch Winnie the Pooh with me and see that he is a lot like God. He listens to the children and spends time with them. He teaches them to do right. So you watch the video with me and I’ll let you take it with you and you can show the people the tape and tell them that’s how God wants them to act.” She was a little ahead of her time, videos and sermons, and I wish I could tell you that I had enough fortitude to play Winnie the Pooh to the business lunch but I did tell them about Pooh and what I learned.

That night when Breanne said her prayers she thanked God for Winnie the Pooh and, “Oh yeah, my dad.” That night I felt I was in pretty good company. I also learned that if you can’t relate God to the world people live in, you might not be communicating at all.

Charles S. Lowery, Ph.D. is president and CEO of Lowery Institute for Excellence, Inc., a non-profit training and consulting organization. Dr. Lowery’s diverse background includes private practice, college professor, management consultant and corporate motivator. Charles’ unique style of humor, encouragement, and motivation has made him one of the most sought after speakers in the country.

Like this blog post? Share it with friends or check out Comic Belief, which is the source of this post.

Like the old man who took his ugly dog for his regular Sunday walk in the park. The little old man sat on the park bench while his dog played at his feet. They weren’t bothering anyone. Soon a younger man appeared with his dog. Both the man and his dog had a mean, bulldog-type look on their faces. They were looking for a fight. The man and his bulldog began taunting the little old man and his ugly dog. The younger man commanded his dog, “Spike!” and pointed in the ugly dog’s direction. The little old man calmly addressed the aggressor, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Irritated by the passive old man’s comment, the young man commanded Spike to attack the frail-looking mutt. The old man reiterated, “I wouldn’t have done that!” As the battle raged in cartoon fashion (lots of barking, dust flying and dogs running in circles), the result was unexpected. Spike lay defeated, torn to pieces by the ugly canine. His humbled master said to the old man, “What kind of dog is that?” to which the codger replied, “Well, before I cut off his tail and painted him yellow, he was an alligator!”

Because we see things from our point of view, we tend to antagonize instead of harmonize. This can lead to disaster because we all have a little alligator in us. It’s all in our perspective. A kid was being interviewed for a job at the movie theater. The man interviewing said, “Now, son, what would you do if we had a fire at the theater?” The kid answered, “Don’t you worry. I’d get out alright.” He was looking at it from his point of view. The manager was asking how he would help others. If we’re not careful we see things only from our point of view.

A chicken and the elephant were locked in a cage together. The chicken turned to the elephant and said, “We need to set a few ground rules. First, let’s don’t step on each other.” The chicken was looking at it from his point of view. Our chicken point of view affects our relationship with others. Our tendency is to want to straighten people out for our own benefit. If you think straightening people out is your job I suggest you become a funeral director. That way when you straighten them out they will stay. Otherwise you’ll lead a life of frustration because if you straighten someone out today, they won’t stay that way.

Remember God is the construction manager of people’s lives, not you. Have you ever gone through a construction area with a sign that says, “Slow, Men Working.” That’s absolutely right, there are slow
men working. I thought about that sign the other day. We should put up a sign that says, “Slow, God Working.” God works slowly. I don’t think he wears a watch. To him a minute is like a million years. So
let’s put two signs in our minds that say “Slow God, Working” and “Danger! Keep Out.”

A football player decided he wanted to be a wrestler. The coach said he didn’t think he would be good because he didn’t have any wrestling skills. But the kid was determined. His technique was awful but he ended up at the State Finals. He had to wrestle last year’s state champion. The Champ was just killing him. It was so bad, the coach buried his head in his hands. All of a sudden a huge cheer came from the crowd and the coach looks up and the kid had won the match. He asked, “How did you do that? One second you’re losing and the next you win.” The kid said, “He had me in some sort of position and I didn’t know what to do. The only thing I could see was a big toe. So I bit the toe as hard as I could. You would be amazed what you can do when you bite your own big toe.”

The truth is we don’t want to be stepped on but often we’re not careful about whom we step on. So the next time you feel like straightening someone out, go ahead and act like an alligator. Only this time, bite you own big toe. The construction site is dangerous enough without alligators, elephants and chickens running loose.

Charles S. Lowery, Ph.D. is president and CEO of Lowery Institute for Excellence, Inc., a non-profit training and consulting organization. Dr. Lowery’s diverse background includes private practice, college professor, management consultant and corporate motivator. Charles’ unique style of humor, encouragement, and motivation has made him one of the most sought after speakers in the country.

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Let me ask you something. Have you had any fun lately? I live in a state where people flock to casinos. Why? Do they go to make money? I don’t think all of them flunked math. They are looking for fun. I guess the biggest compliment we received as a family was from our niece. She stayed with us for a weekend. She said, “I like to stay at Uncle Charles and Aunt Penny’s house. It’s the laughing house.” She meant that it was a place where people liked to have fun.

It wasn’t always that way. I realized at one point in my life I was against just about everything. My kids would ask, “Can we do that?” I’d say, “No, it’s too expensive.” “Can we do this?” “No, we’re Christians.” “Well how about that?” “No, it’s Sunday.” My kids would finally ask, “Well, what can we do?” “Nothing.” I would say, “You can’t do anything that’s fun. You have to be miserable the rest of your life just like me.”

Sadly, the worst day of the week was Sunday. It is incredible what happens. People scream at each other. They holler and say, “You have 28 seconds to eat those Fruit Loops, boy, we have to go to church. Praise Jesus.” You know how it is when you’re trying to get the family ready for church. You have to get everyone dressed; everyone has to brush his or her teeth. You have to make sure they eat because when they don’t they cry from hunger right in the middle of the sermon. Why is it that shoes never need to be shined except on Sunday? Or why on Sunday is the only good pair of socks in the drawer is missing its mate? Why do all the children have to match on Sunday? Why is it OK to have a milk mustache for school but not for church? Why is it when the older kids are asked to dress the younger kids the first thing mom says is, “Why did you dress them in that, they look like a bunch of heathens.” At least they were dressed and not still in their pajamas.

Dads are what I call “heavenly honkers.” Men go out to the car and honk, honk, honk, we have to go, we’re late! We never think about going in and helping. We just want to honk and holler.

It was the same way as I grew up. By the time we got in the car, everyone slammed a door, everyone was in a hurry and everyone was in a bad mood. “Hurry, hurry, we’re late for church.” Then my mother would turn around and say, “Charles are your ears clean?” “Yes ma’am.” “Let me look.” “No Mom, I wouldn’t lie on Sunday. My ears are clean.” She’d say, “Fred,” and my dad would hand her his handkerchief. Then she would spit on it and start to drill in my ear. I thought, “Mom, it’s coming out on the other side, be careful.” I hated that.

Then we would drive by the heathen’s house. You know the heathens out there. The father is in his undershirt drinking a Miller Lite and playing softball with the kids. Everyone is laughing and having fun.
And in the car it’s miserable. Just about that time, my Dad sees the heathens. “Look at those heathens out there, they don’t know the joy of Jesus.” My brothers and I made a commitment in the backseat of our car that we would be heathens when we grew up because they had all the fun.

One time our family decided to get up thirty minutes early to get ready for church just to see if we could lighten the stress. We were ready for church early and no one knew what to do. It had never happened before in our family and probably never happened in the history of Christendom.

This Sunday, why don’t you try it? Start things a little earlier and on the way home from church you be the one to suggest having some fun. Say something like, “Why don’t we stop and get a pizza and play some video games.” Your family will think you’re on drugs, or snorting Sweet ‘N Low. They may think they should put dad into some treatment program. Or maybe they will think people who go to church have fun. Or better yet, they might go to church someday and take their family.

Charles S. Lowery, Ph.D. is president and CEO of Lowery Institute for Excellence, Inc., a non-profit training and consulting organization. Dr. Lowery’s diverse background includes private practice, college professor, management consultant and corporate motivator. Charles’ unique style of humor, encouragement, and motivation has made him one of the most sought after speakers in the country.

Like this blog post? Share it with friends or check out Comic Belief, which is the source of this post.

Thank goodness God made mothers because mothers not only pick up things, they pick us up. Who is the first person you think about when you fall down and go boom? Chances are it is your mother.

God had a great idea when he invented mothers. I have the old fashion kind of mom. She still thinks that the kitchen is for something other than resale value. The breakfast I had was a little like heaven — biscuits, cream gravy, bacon, and sausage — a cholesterol picnic. It was wonderful.

Mom cooked from scratch and made clothes from scratch. Now there were some unpleasant times in my childhood. I guess everyone has his or her dysfunction. It was those times when Mom made me go to Cloth World or Cloth Barn or City of Cloth. These stores were always off by themselves, no place to go or run to, just mom and me in Cloth Hell. I felt so feminine. It was traumatic. I’ve since joined a group called Adult Children of Seamstress Anonymous, and am actually two steps away from walking through Cloth World without wetting my pants.

Moms are different now. They don’t have as much time to spend with their children. It starts early. They only get one night in a hospital to have a baby. Now I know what HMO stands for: Hurry Mothers Out. I guess moms have to work harder than ever.

We know evolution isn’t true. Otherwise why do mothers still only have two hands and politicians only one mouth?

Being a mother is tough. You know you’re a mother when you understand everything the family dog says, or when you have a reoccurring dream that you are the agitator of the washing machine and you’re off balance. You know you’re a mother when one of your biggest fears is that there will be carpooling in heaven, or when you think Barney is a real person.

And of course kids get into as much trouble as ever. One kid said his mother said a prayer for him every night. She prayed, “Thank God he’s in bed.”

I heard about a lady who had finished a backbreaking job of stripping the kitchen floor and re-waxing it for Christmas. She heard her husband say, “Kids, your mother has worked hard on this floor, see how nice and clean it looks? I want you to be careful because any of you who spill anything on the floor has to clean it up first, go to the spare room, close the door and stay there by yourself for an hour.” The lady heard this, spilled coffee on the floor, cleaned it up, ran to the room and no one saw her for an hour.

Motherhood is filled with frustration, difficulty, and challenges, but eventually they move out.

Mothers want the best for their children. A guy told his buddy that he had given up on dating. The friend asked, “What’s wrong? Can’t find anyone good enough for you?” He responded, “No, I can’t find anyone good enough for my mother.”

Of course, you can never forget your loyalty to your mom. While standing at attention during a parade, a private started to wave at a woman in the audience. The drill sergeant sternly warned the private, “Jones, don’t ever do that again!” A few minutes later however, the private waved again. The sergeant became livid at Jones and pointed out the dangers of disobeying a superior officer and shouted a few severe threats. Jones still seemed remorseless. The sergeant said, “Boy, aren’t you afraid of me and what I could do to you?” Jones replied, “Oh, yes sir, but you don’t know my mother.” He’s a lot like a police recruit who was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” The recruit answered, “I’d call for backup.”

Mothers aren’t perfect. They sometimes talk a little too much. A couple of kids went to their father with a question. He said, “Go ask your mother.” The children responded, “We don’t want to know that much.”

Life isn’t as scary with a mom around. It’s like the story of the little boy who was in first grade. He strutted in front of his classmates and proclaimed, “When I grow up, I’m going to be a lion tamer. I’ll have lots of fierce lions and when I walk in the cage, they will roar.” He paused a moment and looked at his classmates’ faces and then added, “Of course, I’ll have my mother with me.”

There is just something about having your mom with you. If life is like a grueling race, then time with mom is like a pit stop. It is a time of refreshment. Even my girls, who have babies of their own, still call home and it’s evident they just need their mom. The race is hard and they need a pit stop. When I fly through Dallas I like to stop at Mom’s and just spend a little time, have a great breakfast, and even
take her to Cloth World.

A little boy was in the Easter play. He was fortunate to have the part of Jesus and one of his lines was, “I am the light of the world.” He got to that line and forgot it. His mother just had to help. You know
how mothers are. She moved out of the audience and stood in front so she could help him. He looked at his mother and she mouthed the words, “I am the light of the world.” He smiled at his mother, turned to the audience and said, “My mother is the light of the world.”

Mothers may not be the light of the world but they definitely brighten it up. Probably because they reflect so much of God’s love.

Charles S. Lowery, Ph.D. is president and CEO of Lowery Institute for Excellence, Inc., a non-profit training and consulting organization. Dr. Lowery’s diverse background includes private practice, college professor, management consultant and corporate motivator. Charles’ unique style of humor, encouragement, and motivation has made him one of the most sought after speakers in the country.

Like this blog post? Share it with friends or check out Comic Belief, which is the source of this post.

My advice is just do it. If you have to eat a bunch of frogs, go ahead and eat the big one first. Get it over with. When I was a practicing psychologist people called to tell me that they were too depressed to get out of bed. I would say, “You have to get out of bed.” They would say, “I’m too depressed. How do I get out of bed?” I would say, “Take one foot and put it on the floor and raise up. That’s how you get out of bed. Do it.” I’ve done it. I’ve gone to work depressed. I’ve given speeches depressed. I can’t tell someone to announce “Charles is depressed and we won’t have a speaker today.” I think I’ve even spoken on depression while depressed.

The first patient of a friend of mine was a girl in college who was depressed because she couldn’t seem to get her homework done. She came to see him and instead of doing psychotherapy with her and having her lie on the sofa and talk about her mother, he suggested they work on homework for the first thirty minutes and then talk the next thirty minutes. He found that when she finished her homework she wasn’t as depressed. When she got something done she felt better about herself.

A farmer in Tennessee said that lightning struck an old shed and relieved him of having to tear it down. The rain washed off his car and saved him from that chore too. When asked what he was doing now, he replied, “Waiting for an earthquake to shake the potatoes out of the ground.”

What are you waiting for? The time to fix the roof is when the sun is shining. There is a difference between living in the waiting room and waiting in the living room. One of these days is none of these days. Whatever sits on the shelf rots. There are no perfect and ideal situations. You may end up like the young man who vowed to never marry until he found the ideal woman. Unfortunately when he found her she was waiting for the ideal man.

One cannot wait until the entire army is in perfect condition before facing the enemy. General McClellan was waiting for the army to get ready during in the first year of the War for the Union. President Lincoln asked if he might borrow the army if McClellan wasn’t going to use it.

No one can borrow the resources God has given you. Dreams without deadlines become nightmares. Abraham didn’t have a destination but he packed up and left home. Moses didn’t have a clue yet he walked into Pharaoh’s palace. If you wait until you’re sure, you’ll never take off your training wheels.

Three turtles went on a Sunday afternoon picnic. One carried the basket of food, one carried a jug of turtle-ade, and the third turtle didn’t carry anything. They set up and then felt raindrops. The two turtles agreed that the one who carried nothing should go back and get the umbrella. The third turtle said, “No because you’ll eat all the turtle food and drink all the turtle-ade and I won’t have any. Finally he agreed to go back for the umbrella. One hour, two hours, three hours went by and finally one day, one week, and two weeks. One of the turtles said, “Well I guess we can eat the turtle food and drink the turtle-ade because he’s not coming back.” Then they heard something over in the bushes say, “If you do, I won’t go.”

Most of us are like the turtle. We’re afraid that if we jump out there and do something we might miss the picnic. The truth is we will miss the picnic by not trusting God and doing our part. Don’t you think it’s time to take off the training wheels?

Charles S. Lowery, Ph.D. is president and CEO of Lowery Institute for Excellence, Inc., a non-profit training and consulting organization. Dr. Lowery’s diverse background includes private practice, college professor, management consultant and corporate motivator. Charles’ unique style of humor, encouragement, and motivation has made him one of the most sought after speakers in the country.

Like this blog post? Share it with friends or check out Comic Belief, which is the source of this post.

One couple had been arguing about everything for years. They were tired of living in a perpetual state of conflict. Finally she tipped off her husband about the prayer she was petitioning to God. She said, “I’ve been praying for God to help us stop all this arguing by taking one of us to heaven. When he answers my prayer, I’m moving in with my sister.” Well, I doubt God is going to answer that kind of prayer. God wants us to avoid conflict when the situation isn’t worth it. A bulldog can whip a skunk but it’s not worth it. Most of the time, however, avoiding conflict is like avoiding termites. Eventually it will bring the house down.

One way to solve conflict is to avoid a middleman. There’s a story out of Texas, so it may or may not be true, about a bank robber named Jorge Rodriguez who operated along the Texas border around the turn of the century. He was so successful in his forays that the Texas Rangers put an extra posse along the Rio Grande to stop him. Sure enough, late one afternoon, one of these special Rangers saw Jorge Rodriguez stealthily slipping across the river. He trailed him at a discreet distance as he returned to his home village. He watched Jorge mingle with the people in the square and then went into his favorite cantina to relax. The Ranger slipped in to get the drop on Jorge. With a pistol in his hand he said, “I know who you are, Jorge Rodriguez, and I have come to get back all the money that you have stolen from the banks in Texas. Unless you give it me, I’m going to blow your brains out.” There was one fatal difficulty, however, Jorge did not speak English, and the Texas Ranger was not versed in Spanish. They were two adults in a verbal impasse. But about that time an enterprising little man said, “I am bilingual. Do you want me to act as translator?” The Ranger nodded and he put the words of the Ranger into terms that Jorge could understand. Nervously, Jorge answered back, “Tell the big Texas Ranger that I have not spent a cent of the money. If he will go to the well in the Town Square, face north, count down five stones, he will find a loose stone. Pull it out and all the money is behind it. Please tell him quickly.” The translator got a solemn look on his face and said to the Ranger in perfect English, “Jorge Rodriguez is a brave man. He says he is ready to die.” Solve conflict by talking about it to the one you have a conflict with.

Think of three words when solving conflict. The first is information. Many times just a little more information will help solve a problem. Such was the case with a group of soldiers from Nepal who fought on the side of Britain against Indonesia. This regiment was not trained as paratroopers but a particular mission required that they parachute into a remote location. The British asked them to volunteer to jump for this mission. But they said no. Later they sent word to the British that they accepted the mission under certain conditions. The first condition was that the area in which they landed was reasonably soft and the second was that the plane would have to fly slowly as possible and only at an altitude of 100 feet. The British said the planes always fly as slowly as possible during jumps but they wouldn’t be able to fly 100 feet from the ground. At such a low altitude there is not sufficient time for the parachutes to open. “Parachutes?” they exclaimed, “We get parachutes?” Theses brave soldiers did not know they were getting parachutes. In that case they were willing to jump from the plane wherever and however the mission required. A little information can make the difference. It can change hesitation into participation, fear into courage, and it can change a “no” to a “yes.” You’ll be amazed what people will do for you if you just take the time to communicate with them. They might even jump out of an airplane.

Information is important and so is reconciliation. Many times resolution is impossible. No matter how much you talk you will never see eye to eye. So decide that you will still walk hand in hand, unless the person really is a skunk. Then you might try to convince him to jump out of the airplane. Just kidding. Even the skunks of the world deserve love.

Therefore, our last word is understanding. A boy was standing at the side of the highway throwing clumps of mud at the cars passing by. Finally one irate driver stopped and got out of the car and yelled, “Hey kid, what’s the idea?” Before he could say anything else the boy who had been throwing the mud said, “Thank you for stopping. I’ve tried to wave others down but no one would stop. My dad and I were camping and he’s hurt badly. He’s over here in the brush. Please help us.” Sometimes when people throw mud at you they are really crying for help.

So next time your in a conflict with someone, think information, reconciliation, and finally understanding. That skunk may just be crying out for help. Even if he or she is a skunk, think Cocker Spaniel instead of Bulldog.

Charles S. Lowery, Ph.D. is president and CEO of Lowery Institute for Excellence, Inc., a non-profit training and consulting organization. Dr. Lowery’s diverse background includes private practice, college professor, management consultant and corporate motivator. Charles’ unique style of humor, encouragement, and motivation has made him one of the most sought after speakers in the country.

Like this blog post? Share it with friends or check out Comic Belief, which is the source of this post.

Life is a rat race and it has affected the entire animal kingdom. Three snails mugged a turtle. When the turtle was asked what the muggers looked like he said, “I don’t know, it all happened so fast.”

The theme of life today is “do more and do it faster.” A restaurant promises lunch in fifteen minutes or it will be free. An emergency room promises treatment in twenty minutes or it will be free. Of course you can even die fast, just call Dr. Kevorkian. People are reading The 59-Second Employee — a book about how to stay ahead of The One-Minute Manager. We have e-mail, overnight delivery, beepers, pagers, voice-mail, and cell phones. You can’t go anywhere you can’t be found. One guy told me to send him a fax on his car phone-fax. Can we do that? Doesn’t he have to pull over or something? Our world is into speed.

I’m trying to get organized. Experts tell me to handle a piece of mail only once. I’m afraid to touch anything. My computer doesn’t understand me. I’ve named it the Bermuda Triangle. Stuff goes in but it never really comes back out. It gives new meaning to the word “backup.” I have so many emergencies that I’ve changed my area code to 911. I’ve discovered that when life is going 100 mph you can’t control it you can only aim it. I’m trying to go faster. I use the express lane for the altar call at church. Every time I turn around it is “do it faster!” — push the envelope, raise the bar, take it to the next level. I feel like the juggler at the circus but I’m juggling hand grenades instead of balls.

It’s not just me it’s everybody. I knew our society was in trouble when I saw a lady get on the plane and put the laptop in her lap and her child in the overhead-baggage compartment. Well, I’m slowing down. I’m going to relax. I’m actually going to relax better and faster. I’m taking relaxation to the next level. Sorry — I got carried away.

I’m tired of desktop dining and informational hell. I don’t want to be reached at www.doitfast.com. I’ve decided to take my mother’s advice; if she has said it once, she has said it a thousand times, “Charles Shelby, be still.” When she used my middle name I knew it was important because she usually called me by my brothers’ names, or even worse, my sister’s. So I’m going to be still. The two most important buttons on my computer from now on are going to be delete and off. Of course you can’t just turn off the computer, it asks if you are sure if you want to sign off. YES! I’m sure.

I’m not saying to drop everything. There is a season of accomplishment but there is also a season of rest. There is a season of evaluation. Understand that five times zero is still zero. Some things are not worth doing even if you can do them five times faster. So I threw away my to-do list. Maybe if it’s not important enough to remember, it may not be important enough to do. I turned off my computer and took a golf lesson.

My golf teacher said, “It’s no wonder you don’t have any power. Your back swing is too fast. I got whiplash just watching it. A pause at the top is what gives you the power.” He was reflecting on what my mom had said, “Charles Shelby, be still.” His emphasis was to be still at the top.

In the early days of aviation there was a gutsy pilot who accepted the challenge of flying around the world. One day as he was drifting through the silent skies above the Atlantic Ocean he heard an annoying sound in the electrical wiring. A rat had climbed aboard and was inflicting potential damage to the plane’s electrical system with its razor sharp teeth. The pilot began to worry and anticipate his potential demise. Then he recalled that rats could only live in low altitudes. He piloted his plane to the highest altitude that he and his plane could tolerate. He paused at that altitude until the annoying sound stopped. Upon landing he found a dead rat in his instrument panel.

The lesson is simple. Whether it is planes, golf or life, take it to the top and pause. You will have more power and all the ratty issues of life won’t seem so important.

Charles S. Lowery, Ph.D. is president and CEO of Lowery Institute for Excellence, Inc., a non-profit training and consulting organization. Dr. Lowery’s diverse background includes private practice, college professor, management consultant and corporate motivator. Charles’ unique style of humor, encouragement, and motivation has made him one of the most sought after speakers in the country.

Like this blog post? Share it with friends or check out Comic Belief, which is the source of this post.

A nervous passenger once asked the captain of an ocean liner what would happen if the ship hit an iceberg. “Nothing.” replied the captain. “The iceberg would move right along as if nothing happened.” That’s the way life is folks; it’s going to move right along.

None of us controls the universe. Even if we did, how would we know what was good or what was bad. Even Garth Brooks understood that. He sang a song titled, “Thank God for Unanswered Prayers”. I could identify with that. Do you remember being in high school or college and being in hormone heaven? You had to marry that particular person, but it just didn’t work out. You were devastated and thought, “How can life go on?” Then many years later you saw them and thought, “Thank God for unanswered prayers!”

Life is like a parade. We only see what is in front of us, but God sees the whole parade. He has a perspective. My favorite football team hired this great coach and pays him millions of dollars. But if you watch him on the sidelines, he has a headset on and he’s taking advice from a coach who is up in the press box looking down. Why? Because the coach knows that the other guy has a better perspective.

I am like that. Many times I don’t understand what’s going on down here. I need someone who looks at life from up there. Let me explain it this way: A little boy had a toy boat that he played with at the pond. One day his boat drifted away from him and he tried everything he could to get it back, but he couldn’t reach it. All of a sudden, as he was watching the boat and trying to figure out what to do, he saw a man throwing rocks at the boat. The little boy turned around in anger and said, “What are you trying to do, sink my boat? Crash my boat? What are you doing?” The man just smiled and kept throwing rocks. The little boy yelled, “Quit it!” Finally he ran to the man. “What are you trying to do?” The man replied, “I’m trying to help you.” “What do you mean trying to help me? You’re going to wreck my boat.” The man said, “Look at your boat.” As the boy looked at his boat, he realized that the man was throwing the rocks over his boat. The ripples of the water were bringing the boat back to within his reach. The rocks were creating ripples that brought the boat safely back to the boy.

What’s the bottom line? Resign. Resign as General Manager of the Planet Earth. With you hand over your heart repeat these words: “I, being of sound mind, do fully realize and admit that I do not now, nor have I ever, nor will I ever, run the Planet Earth. Therefore, I hereby offer my resignation as General Manager of the Planet Earth.”

Feel better already, don’t you? Now that you’ve resigned, remember the rocks turn into ripples and that God sees the whole parade. Believe you me, that makes the clowns of life’s parade a whole lot funnier.

Charles S. Lowery, Ph.D. is president and CEO of Lowery Institute for Excellence, Inc., a non-profit training and consulting organization. Dr. Lowery’s diverse background includes private practice, college professor, management consultant and corporate motivator. Charles’ unique style of humor, encouragement, and motivation has made him one of the most sought after speakers in the country.

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People marry again and again. A pastor’s phone rang on Tuesday morning. It was a call from a young woman who didn’t identify herself. She stated that she wanted to be married on Friday of that week. This was to be her sixth marriage. Not wanting to sound rude, the pastor said that he did not do “spur-of-the-moment weddings.” He told her he liked to counsel with the couple before the wedding. She sounded somewhat irritated by his response. After a pause, she continued, “Well, I’ll find someone else to perform the ceremony, but I want you to know that I believe you are wrong about spur-of-the-moment weddings. Some of my best marriages have been spur-of-the-moment.”

People marry so many times that we now play the Married Name Game. For example, If Sandra Locke married Elliott Ness then divorced him to marry Herman Munster she would be Sandra Locke Ness Munster. If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she’d be Liv Ito Beaver. If Snoop Doggy Dog married Winnie the Pooh he would be Snoop Doggy Dog Pooh. Well, you get the idea. That reminds me of another merger between Fed Ex and UPS. They would be called Fed Up.

It’s not easy being a person of the cloth these days. I knew one minister who’s wedding ceremony consisted of, “Do you whoevershe-or-he-may-be take as your lawful wedded whatever-it-is-you’re-planning-to-call-it.” The whole wedding scene seems so fake, even the announcement. The groom could be the worst guy in the world and yet he sounds like a cross between Billy Graham and the Pope. For once I’d like to hear the truth. A wedding announcement that reads something like this: “The groom is a popular young jerk who hasn’t done an ounce of work since he got kicked out of college. He has nice clothes and keeps a supply of money because his dad is a softhearted old fool who covers his bad checks instead of letting him go to jail where he belongs.”

We lose touch with reality. As a psychologist I’ve done my share of premarital counseling. It is an exercise in futility. The bride says, “The groom drinks a lot now, but he’s going to quit when we get married.” Or, “He doesn’t go to church now but he will after the ceremony.” I want to say; “Do you know what a hundred-to-one odds are?” I asked a few questions like, “Where are you going to live?” They don’t know. “Have you finished your education?” They haven’t. “Do you have a job.” They don’t. “What are you going to live on?” They shrug. Then they look at each other with goo-goo eyes and answer, “Love.” They have the urge to merge and can’t keep their hands off each other. One gland is calling out after another gland and they are in hormone heaven. The chemistry is there but reality isn’t. I want to say, “I give you five years for this body chemistry to turn to toxic waste.” I’m nice though, and suggest that maybe they should register paper plates instead of china. I do add that they should probably register at Toys“R”Us because they don’t have a clue.

Ceremonies are also getting more and more expensive and elaborate. I really don’t want to see pictures of the bride and groom from their engagement or a video that would rival Hollywood. I want to say to the groom, “Wipe that silly grin off your face because you have no idea what is happening. You can’t play this marriage video in reverse and walk out of this thing later on. This is real.” I know the father of the bride isn’t smiling — he’s paying for this extravaganza. At Christmas he’s going to be singing, “Hock, the Herald Angels Sing.”

When the couple asks how much they owe the pastor for performing the ceremony. He should say, “I’ll take 10% of what you just blew in the last 45 minutes.” But most are kind and say, “Just pay me according to your bride’s beauty.” That works. As a matter of fact, last month a guy gave the pastor $200. I was shocked. I lifted the veil, took a look and told the pastor to give $100 back. Just kidding.

One pastor said he would rather perform funerals than weddings. They pay more and last longer. One retiring pastor said the first person saved under his preaching is a backslider, the first couple he married is divorced, but the first person he buried is still there.

Maybe a wedding is a funeral in which you smell your own flowers. Or maybe a funeral is really a wedding when you “wake up” and find out what true love is.

Charles S. Lowery, Ph.D. is president and CEO of Lowery Institute for Excellence, Inc., a non-profit training and consulting organization. Dr. Lowery’s diverse background includes private practice, college professor, management consultant and corporate motivator. Charles’ unique style of humor, encouragement, and motivation has made him one of the most sought after speakers in the country.

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Angela had colic so she woke up and cried almost every night. Now what do two mature people, one being a psychologist, do when the baby cries at night? First of all, we would both lie there as long as we could, pretending to be more asleep than the other. She was thinking, “If he were a good husband, he’d get up.” And I was thinking, “If she were a good wife, she’d get up.” So we played that game for a while until we finally had to do something. Obviously, Angela wasn’t just crying, by now she was screaming. Then Penny, because she’s more mature, said something like, “Do I hear Angela crying?” That didn’t mean, “Do I hear Angela crying?” She knew she was crying. That really meant, “Get up and see about Angela.” I knew what she meant but resented her telling me. She reminded me that the night before I had said, “I’ll get it the next time.” I said, “I didn’t mean the next time the baby cried; I meant the next baby.” So we fought over who was going to take care of Angela while she was still crying. We had to learn to communicate.

We had to learn to communicate about Angela, and then we had two more daughters, so we had to get a plan. For the first two, I would get the baby and bring her to Penny. She would change her while I went downstairs to heat the bottle. Then I would bring the bottle to Penny. She would feed her and when she was asleep, I would put her back into the bed. That was a great plan, but Penny nursed our last child so I didn’t have to mess with the bottle. I just had to get the baby. Then we decided since Saturday was the only day we could sleep, we would take turns sleeping in on alternate Saturdays. Of course we had a few misunderstandings about who had slept in the previous Saturday. Since men have amnesia when it comes to remembering anything that doesn’t involve athletic statistics, and Penny can remember not only what time she got up last Saturday but what outfit she was wearing, I think I put in a few more Saturdays than I had coming to me. The bottom line is, we decided to work it out instead of have it out. We decided to talk about it instead of fight about it.

Why is communication so difficult? Consider this: When you were a baby, you had needs that you couldn’t articulate so you didn’t communicate in a positive way. You didn’t say to yourself, “I’m hungry. I’m going to smile when mother comes by and maybe she’ll know I’m hungry and feed me.” Likewise, you couldn’t tell your mother that your diaper needed to be changed. So, when you had a need, you just screamed, and the louder you screamed the quicker she came. You learned that when your needs weren’t met or when you were frustrated, you could act bad, and the worse you acted, the quicker people met your needs.

The same thing happens in marriage. When you are frustrated you provoke the people around you as much as you can so they will meet your needs. You sulk, pout, make cutting remarks, and think that surely someone will come and meet your needs. That’s how infants behave. Let me give you a little rhyme. Before you have a baby in a carriage, you’d better deal with the baby in your marriage. Why? Because two babies married to each other – and then having a baby – make one big mess.

Charles S. Lowery, Ph.D. is president and CEO of Lowery Institute for Excellence, Inc., a non-profit training and consulting organization. Dr. Lowery’s diverse background includes private practice, college professor, management consultant and corporate motivator. Charles’ unique style of humor, encouragement, and motivation has made him one of the most sought after speakers in the country.

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